X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 0 X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 1 X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 2 X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 3 X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 4 X-Symantec-TimeoutProtection: 5 Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@fathersonline.org Delivered-To: info@fathersonline.org Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 274372BBFC for ; Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:55:41 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 08767-02 for ; Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:55:27 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (bigpond.net.au: No applicable sender policy available) receiver=marlin.fishinternet.com.au; identity=mfrom; envelope-from="rentacrd@bigpond.net.au"; helo=omta04sl.mx.bigpond.com; client-ip=144.140.93.156 Received: from omta04sl.mx.bigpond.com (omta04sl.mx.bigpond.com [144.140.93.156]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 2A0352BBE3 for ; Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:55:21 +1000 (EST) Received: from oaamta08sl.mx.bigpond.com ([124.177.218.247]) by omta04sl.mx.bigpond.com with ESMTP id <20070410085521.QWCA28583.omta04sl.mx.bigpond.com@oaamta08sl.mx.bigpond.com> for ; Tue, 10 Apr 2007 08:55:21 +0000 Received: from ron0e091a5aba8 ([124.177.218.247]) by oaamta08sl.mx.bigpond.com with ESMTP id <20070410085509.YTYY19518.oaamta08sl.mx.bigpond.com@ron0e091a5aba8> for ; Tue, 10 Apr 2007 08:55:09 +0000 From: "Ron Hellyer" To: "'Fatherhood Foundation'" Subject: FW: Family is Everything Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:23:00 +0930 Message-ID: <004901c77b4d$a4ee3000$0301a8c0@ron0e091a5aba8> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_004A_01C77B9D.45B80C00" X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 11 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3028 thread-index: Accb4AqXUdUmyFDIROaKXXzd92pcwxfbYhkA X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au X-NAS-BWL: Found match for 'rentacrd@bigpond.net.au' on the allowed list (1742 addresses, 0 domains) X-NAS-Classification: 0 X-NAS-MessageID: 11105 X-NAS-Validation: {FF825B7A-B161-40BD-90F8-3582DAE91A1E} This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_004A_01C77B9D.45B80C00 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit 10th Dec 06 Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 224 - 4th December, 2006 Go to our website Here * Hello Ron <> * Grandads <> * Laughter <> * Single Dads <> * Special Feature <> * Thought of the Week <> * All You Need is Love <> * News <> & Info * Dad's Prayer <> * Help Us <> Hello Ron Kim Beazley uttered these famous words 'family is everything' in his speech after his ignominious defeat at the hands of Kevin Rudd, and on learning of the sudden death of his younger brother. For Kim, it was a very difficult time, which made his response all the more significant. Having worked with Kim Beazley and John Anderson in our first Fatherhood Forum for parliamentarians held in Parliament House in March 2003, I feel I can share in his pain. Kim suffered the pain of divorce and separation but went to great lengths to stay involved in his daughters' lives. His daughters adore him for it and there is no doubt in my mind that Kim's sentiment about family is absolutely genuine. Another man for whom I have a great deal of respect and who is personally a great inspiration to me, has also had a difficult time of late. That is Tony Miller, founder and president of Dads in Distress: www.dadsindistress.asn.au Tony has been sharing with the whole wide world his own journey of pain, grief and hope after his eldest daughter, Shannon, was admitted to hospital in a coma. Shannon was on life support for 39 days. We published Tony's call for prayer and support through our newsletter. Dads on the Air did the same. It would seem that the world was interested and prayed for Shannon's wellbeing. I went to Penrith to be with Tony and pray by her bedside. If we are to share in each other's victories, we must also share each other's pain: as Thoreau said, 'The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation'. That's also the reason why what Tony is doing through Dads in Distress is so important. Men need a safe place to tell their story. Tony's work is part of the answer. As Tony Miller says in the introduction to his diary www.dadsindistress.asn.au/diary "On my journey as the founder and national coordinator of this group I travel all over the country. I meet many, many people from all walks of life. We hold weekly meetings all over the country and it is here I am able to listen and learn from a huge variety of people who are with me on this journey called 'life'. I take away something from every meeting I attend. And hopefully I leave something behind. I want to tell you about what happens, the good, the bad, the sad. I want you to come with me on this journey. It is an absolute honour to share in someone's life even if only for an hour. As we sit in our meetings listening to another share part of his life with us we consider it a huge honour and we honour the person by having a moment's silence when he is finished, just to reflect on what has just been said and of the courage of that person in sharing part of his life with us. This is a very special journey, I hope you come with me and share it. I can promise you it will be different and I can promise, you will get much out of it." Sadly Tony often gets attacked for having the humility to share his journey with those of us that need his encouragement, by men who have nothing better to do. As Tony writes, "The fatherhood movement doesn't need feminists to pull us apart, we can do it very well ourselves." (See Tony's full article in the Single Dads section of this newsletter) His article is a must read. I only got halfway through it before I had tears streaming down my face. Why? Because Tony Miller is man enough to tell the whole world he has failed. I am still trying to hide my failures, but Tony has the courage to share his with the whole world, warts and all. What has really touched me with Shannon's story is not just her miraculous recovery, but Tony's absolute devotion to the well-being of his daughter.(I can assure you that when I saw Shannon lying there in the Intensive Care Unit all my faith drained out of my shoes. She was thin and gaunt and seemed beyond all hope. It was the combined prayers of thousands and perhaps tens of thousands and the miraculous intervention of our Father in heaven that helped Shannon turn the corner.) Tony hardly left Shannon's side for seven weeks. He said, "I lost my daughter many years ago, my choice, not hers. I was not about to lose her again." The bottom line is that Shannon knows for sure now that her father loves her and that's the message we have to give our children. What more can we say?? Lovework Tell your children you love them this week. Yours for more love Warwick Marsh PS Christmas is coming and I have a good idea for you. Why not give some of your friends a gift subscription of the Fathersonline Weekly Newsletter? This won't cost you anything but it will help someone else and also help the Fatherhood Foundation to reach more fathers. Our goal is to help children by resourcing dads to become the Best Dads in the World for their children. The easiest way to gift the Fathersonline Weekly Newsletter to a friend is to: 1) Forward your newsletter to them with your Christmas message, and explaining your gift to them. 2) Forward their First Name, Surname and email address to info@fathersonline.org We will then subscribe their name so that they will keep getting the newsletter all year long and they will know that they will not be getting spam. Regards Warwick ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top <> Grandads It takes time to be a good father. It takes effort - trying, failing and trying again. Tim Hansel back to top <> Laughter THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. 11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 12. Sudafed, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 19.. Procrastinate !!! Now !!! 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 24.. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken. 25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 27.. Bacon and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. 30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. back to top <> Single Dads My apologies for not writing these past weeks. I came home exhausted, dropped out of circulation and tried to regroup. Shannon is home, struggling, tired, but she is home and she is alive. Hers, mine and maybe yours has changed slightly as a result. I still get messages from people, some prominent, some not so, who take the time out to ask if I'm ok or how is Shannon. I cherish that, I cherish their concern. It tells me there are good people in this world, kind, compassionate, caring people. Thank you for being there in our time of need. Recently it was brought to my attention that some kind hearted person was posting my posts from this site to another dad friendly site, Dads on the Air. It was in their forum entitled 'Tony Miller's Daughter'. If you wish to read it, type in 'Tony Millers Daughter' in Google search. As it turned out some people decided it was an opportunity to have a go at me. The question was asked, what is 'dids' really about? Is it about dads or is it about Tony Miller? Why does he keep posting his private life out there for all to see? All this had nothing to do with Dads on the Air, who by the way run an excellent service to many dads in need. (New site www.dadsontheair.net ) They were just running their forum as it should be, allowing men to express their thoughts, their emotions, their needs. Much the same as we do in 'dids'. I didn't reply as I did not want to blow any wind into anyone's sails. But as it turned out many came to my and 'dids' defence. I am forever humbled by their defence of what we do. I thought I would reply here, as you are the ones who keep us going. I am sure it will be posted to those that need to know or who maybe are interested in hearing the truth. I put my life out in public view not because I relish it, but because if I expect men to walk into a dids meeting and honestly open up about how they feel, where their going, what the past has been like, the good, the bad, the ugly, then I have too. I cannot expect someone to do that, unless I am prepared to do the same. I don't like airing my dirty washing here or at the meetings. But if I expect others to do so and get any benefit from what we do, then I must also do the same. It's called leading. I may not like it, but I cannot expect to ask someone else to share their life with me or with my facilitators to share theirs, unless I also share mine. With regards to my daughter, I make no apologies of my calling for prayers to spare her life on this site. I am a big believer in the power of prayer. Whatever your faith, that's up to you, not me. I asked the readers to pray and the Good Lord heard their prayers that I know. My daughter is home now with her partner and with her son, as it should be. I was and still am a dad in distress who needed help and a multitude of good, caring, compassionate people came to my aid from all over the world. Many were from the readers and the good people who run dads on the air. I will be forever grateful. As I have written here in the past, I lost my daughter many years ago: my choice, not hers. I was not about to loose her again. I am only human, I have made many, many mistakes in my life and I still do. I can stuff up on a daily basis, often even hourly. But the message we deliver to dids is, "that's OK", you're only human, you're here, you're working on it, that's all that matters. Being a dad is a tough enough call, being a weekend dad or being estranged from your kids is even tougher. You're OK, we are here to help, you have MATES now who understand how you feel. It's that simple. The Good Lord didn't walk with the healthy. He walked with the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the unhealthy. I put myself into that class and I wouldn't mind betting that most of my blokes are in the same class. We don't push any religion down anyone's throat, we simply come from the point of love and compassion to our fellow man. We are not angels and we don't expect to be treated as such. And that's the key, it doesn't matter where you have come from, be it good or bad. We simply extend a hand in friendship, mateship. That's the problem with the fatherhood movement. We don't need the feminists to pull us apart, we can do it very well ourselves, thank you. In my experience working with blokes we tend to implode on each other very well, sadly, whether it be ego or whatever, I don't know. I don't know, I'm not an expert, but I find it sad. If you wish to pull that apart then go ahead. Quite frankly, you can go to buggery and I will pray to the Lord that he makes it comfortable for you. With regard to the furniture offer, I appreciate your offer, it was gracious, but to be honest I know of only a handful who have a $1000 to spare for a dining setting after a tough divorce and if they did, they could just about fit their whole house out for that. However, it was passed onto our groups if anyone was interested. I am sorry if no one took up the offer. I was busy keeping my daughter alive when you wrote and left it to one of my lieutenants to answer. I feel he did that, more then appropriately. You could have phoned me personally rather then making it a public slanging match but to be honest, I would have been more blunt: 02 66 528113 At our conference recently one of our beautiful guys in sharing stated he asked his then wife what she wanted for her birthday. She stated she wanted a divorce! He said, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much!" By the way I am heading off to England, Iceland, Amsterdam, Germany, Switzerland and Italy in February, backpacking on the cheap with my beautiful boy, one on one, getting to know each other and getting 'dids' groups happening over there. If you wish to have a whinge about that, go ahead, I couldn't care less. It's OUR time to be together. It's also an opportunity to help our mates over there. Any readers from those areas who would like to meet up, Patrick from Ireland, if you're fair dinkum about kicking a dids group off over there let me know and I will make it happen my friend. Shame we couldn't be more focussed on mateship then pulling each other apart because we don't get what we WANT. Tony Miller dids www.dadsindistress.asn.au back to top <> Special Feature Some Thoughts from Smart Marriages www.smartmarriages.com The first year of marriage is like wet cement - the impressions made in it are much harder to change once it has set. Robert Wolgemuth _________________ One last point about how talking to your man is different from talking to your girlfriend. By and large, a man wants the bottom line. Cut the amount of prelude by approximately ninety percent, and you'll get it just about right. Instead of saying, "Honey, my mom went in and the doctor diagnosed varicose veins. She's going to have to get them stripped, which will make it very difficult for her to walk for a couple of weeks. As you know, she lives all alone now, and the only person who can help her is Mrs Jenkins, who just visits twice a week, on Thursdays and Fridays. Mom's going to need more help than that." Trust me, you've probably lost him by that point. Instead, try this: "Honey, my mom is having surgery next week and needs some time to recover. Do you mind if she stays with us for a few days?" If he wants more information, he'll ask for it. Keep it short. Kevin Leman, Making Sense of the Men in Your Life __________________ "Don't discuss sensitive subjects before dinner. Eat first. My husband is very irritable when hungry." Renee Flager happily married for 50 yrs, New York City - Everlasting Matrimony ___________________ The most important marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way that they can't possibly doubt that you love them. Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com __________________ A happy marriage is the world's best bargain. D.A. Battista back to top <> Thought of the Week I lost my daughter many years ago, my choice, not hers. I was not about to lose her again. Tony Miller back to top <> All You Need is Love COPING WITH CREVASSES Harry Benson in the UK Family Trust newsletter 'Stable' relationships? You must be kidding. Marriages work in cycles. The virtuous cycle looks like this: I'm nice to you; you're nice back to me; I now want to be nice to you; and so on. Positive feeds on positive. The positive cycle usually ends through neglect or forgetfulness. The fire's burning pretty well and we enjoy the heat. But then we forget to keep feeding the fire with fuel. Imperceptibly, it starts to burn down. The vicious cycle looks like this: I'm not nice to you; you're not nice back to me; I now don't want to be nice to you; and so on. Negative feeds on negative. The negative cycle usually ends because one person makes a determined effort to get the fire going again. Of course it's more difficult. But eventually the fire catches light and burns brightly again. The idea of normal relationship cycles is really important for anyone who desires strong marriages and great relationships. The politically correct like to talk to us about the benefits of a 'stable relationship'. The concept is nonsense. Relationships must necessarily go virtuously up or viciously down. What they cannot do is remain stable i.e. stand still. I was reminded of this uncomfortable truth just a few weeks ago. Not for the first time, my own marriage fell into what I call a 'crevasse'. We have these ghastly moments from time to time. Things look pretty bleak. Our friendship has gone astray. Neither of us are feeling valued. The busyness of life has allowed us to drift apart. We're no longer connected. And of course I've forgotten to practice what I preach. All of a sudden, the little irritations, annoyances or arguments seem to take on disproportionate significance. This is the time when leaving the cap off the toothpaste tube is a deliberate act of war. Chewing too loud is an offensive habit. As for the increasingly obvious differences in our personalities, well, maybe we are utterly incompatible and have always been so. Our differences may seem brilliantly complementary in the good times. But they make us horribly incompatible as we fall into our crevasse. Our cycle hits rock bottom. And yet, I made a promise many years ago. This is the time of 'poorer, sickness, worse'. Despite the enormity of the task, despite the misery of the situation, one of us has to choose to light the fire again. Weeks on, we've reconnected and are back in the top half of the cycle once again. We went away to a hotel for a night, away from our various working roles and our six children. We remembered that we actually quite like each other. Life is good. I'd like to think that one day there will be no more crevasses. Alas, the odds are that our cycle will repeat itself. It starts with a high, as best friends, showing how much we care for one another. We make time for one another because we know it's good for us. Making time is easy when we're getting on well. But then the discipline flags and we drift. At first we barely notice. Then we forget to make time. We forget to connect. It's not a deliberate thing. It's an omission. Subconsciously, we now begin to avoid time together because we know we will have to do things or confront issues that aren't so easy now like apologies, forgiveness, compliments, affirmation, having fun. As the positives fade, the negatives start to gain ground. Then comes the crevasse. Even if the cycle is likely to repeat itself for us sooner or later and we're probably safe for six to eighteen months or so maybe this is a good time for you to think where you are on your cycle. Do something about it now. Feed the fire of your marriage regularly. Regular time and regular reconnection are the starting points. To subscribe or read past newsletters: http://www.bcft.co.uk/newsletter.htm back to top <> News & Info Marriage and Money Matters by Bettina Arndt Read more: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20886591-5007146,00.html Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation Just wanted to thank you for the great work you are doing, like bringing out Brian Molitor. His visit to our church still has guys talking. Your newsletter and website has been helpful too. I would love to touch base with you sometime. Blessings Rob Koch * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation I just loved this weeks newsletter, sometimes your newsletter is the only thing that keeps me positive. Thankyou. Colin back to top <> Dad's Prayer Dear God Help me not to stuff up, but when I do please forgive me! Pick me up, dust me off, pat me on the back and get me going again. God help me do the same for my own children. back to top <> Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top <> Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_004A_01C77B9D.45B80C00 Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Fatherhood = Foundation
10th Dec 06

 
=20
Un= able=20 to read this email? Please click here
<= /TABLE>
Issue 224 - 4th December, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Ron

 

Kim Beazley = uttered these=20 famous words 'family is everything' in his speech after his=20 ignominious defeat at the hands of Kevin Rudd, and on = learning of=20 the sudden death of his younger brother. For Kim, it was a = very=20 difficult time, which made his response all the more = significant.=20

 

Having worked = with Kim=20 Beazley and John Anderson in our first Fatherhood Forum for=20 parliamentarians held in Parliament House in March 2003, I = feel I=20 can share in his pain. Kim suffered the pain of divorce and=20 separation but went to great lengths to stay involved in his = daughters' lives. His daughters adore him for it and there = is no=20 doubt in my mind that Kim's sentiment about family is = absolutely=20 genuine.

 

Another man = for whom I=20 have a great deal of respect and who is personally a great=20 inspiration to me, has also had a difficult time of late. = That is=20 Tony Miller, founder and president of Dads in Distress: www.dadsindistress.asn.au =   Tony has = been sharing=20 with the whole wide world his own journey of pain, grief and = hope=20 after his eldest daughter, Shannon, was admitted to hospital = in a=20 coma.  Shannon = was on=20 life support for 39 days. We published Tony's call for = prayer and=20 support through our newsletter. Dads on the Air did the = same. It=20 would seem that the world was interested and prayed for = Shannon's=20 wellbeing. I went to Penrith to be with Tony and pray by her = bedside. If we are to share in each other's victories, we = must also=20 share each other's pain: as Thoreau said, 'The mass of men = lead=20 lives of quiet desperation'. That's also the reason why what = Tony is=20 doing through Dads in Distress is so important. Men need a = safe=20 place to tell their story. Tony's work is part of the=20 answer.

 

As Tony Miller = says in the=20 introduction to his diary www.dadsindistress.asn.au= /diary=20

 

"On my journey = as the=20 founder and national coordinator of this group I travel all = over the=20 country. I meet many, many people from all walks of life. We = hold=20 weekly meetings all over the country and it is here I am = able to=20 listen and learn from a huge variety of people who are with = me on=20 this journey called 'life'. I take away something from every = meeting=20 I attend. And hopefully I leave something behind. I want to = tell you=20 about what happens, the good, the bad, the sad. I want you = to come=20 with me on this journey.

 

It is an = absolute honour=20 to share in someone's life even if only for an hour. As we = sit in=20 our meetings listening to another share part of his life = with us we=20 consider it a huge honour and we honour the person by having = a=20 moment's silence when he is finished, just to reflect on = what has=20 just been said and of the courage of that person in sharing = part of=20 his life with us. This is a very special journey, I hope you = come=20 with me and share it. I can promise you it will be different = and I=20 can promise, you will get much out of=20 it."

 

Sadly Tony = often gets=20 attacked for having the humility to share his journey with = those of=20 us that need his encouragement, by men who have nothing = better to=20 do. As Tony writes, "The fatherhood movement doesn't need = feminists=20 to pull us apart, we can do it very well ourselves." (See = Tony's=20 full article in the Single Dads section of this newsletter) = His=20 article is a must read. I only got halfway through it before = I had=20 tears streaming down my face. Why? Because Tony Miller is = man enough=20 to tell the whole world he has failed. I am still trying to = hide my=20 failures, but Tony has the courage to share his with the = whole=20 world, warts and all. What has really touched me with = Shannon's=20 story is not just her miraculous recovery, but Tony's = absolute=20 devotion to the well-being of his daughter.(I can assure you = that=20 when I saw Shannon lying there in the Intensive Care Unit = all my=20 faith drained out of my shoes. She was thin and gaunt = and seemed=20 beyond all hope. It was the combined prayers of thousands = and=20 perhaps tens of thousands and the miraculous intervention of = our=20 Father in heaven that helped Shannon turn the corner.)=20

Tony hardly = left Shannon's=20 side for seven weeks. He said, "I lost my daughter many = years ago,=20 my choice, not hers. I was not about to lose her again."=20

 

The bottom = line is that=20 Shannon knows for sure now that her father loves her and = that's the=20 message we have to give our children. What more can we=20 say??

 

Lovework

 

Tell your = children you=20 love them this week.

 

Yours for more = love

Warwick Marsh=20

 

PS=20 Christmas is coming and I have a good idea for you.=20

 

Why not give = some of your=20 friends a gift subscription of the Fathersonline Weekly = Newsletter?=20 This won't cost you anything but it will help someone else = and also=20 help the Fatherhood Foundation to reach more fathers. Our = goal is to=20 help children by resourcing dads to become the Best Dads in = the=20 World for their children.

 

The easiest = way to gift=20 the Fathersonline Weekly Newsletter to a friend is to:=20

1) Forward = your newsletter=20 to them with your Christmas message, and explaining your = gift to=20 them.

2) Forward = their First=20 Name, Surname and email address to info@fathersonline.org=20  

 

We will then = subscribe=20 their name so that they will keep getting the newsletter all = year=20 long and they will know that they will not be getting=20 spam.

 

Regards=20 Warwick

___________________________________________________________


Warwick=20 Marsh  has been married to Alison for 31 = years.=20 He is
the father of five children, four boys and one = girl,=20 ranging in age from 25 years to 14 years.  Warwick = is a=20 musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes = to think=20 he can still laugh at = himself.

back to top

=20

Grandads

 

 

It takes = time to be a good=20 father.

It takes = effort -=20

trying, =

failing and =

trying = again.

 

Tim = Hansel

 

 

 

back to top

=20

Laughter

 


THIRTY LINES = TO MAKE YOU=20 SMILE
 1..  My husband and I = divorced=20 over religious differences. He thought he was God and I = didn't.
 2..  I don't suffer from insanity; I = enjoy=20 every minute of it.
 3..  I Work Hard Because = Millions=20 On Welfare Depend on Me!
 4..  Some people are = alive=20 only because it's illegal to kill them.
 5..  I = used to=20 have a handle on life, but it broke.
 6..  Don't=20 take life too seriously; no one gets out = alive.
 7.. =20 You're just jealous because the voices only talk to=20 me.
 8..  Beauty is in the eye of the beer=20 holder.
 9..  Earth is the insane asylum for = the=20 universe.
 10..  I'm not a complete idiot -- = Some parts=20 are missing.
 11..  Out of my mind.  Back = in five=20 minutes.
 12.  Sudafed, the stuffy, sneezy,=20 why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning = medicine.
 13..  God=20 must love stupid people; He made so = many.
 14..  The=20 gene pool could use a little chlorine.
 15.. =20 Consciousness: That annoying time between = naps.
 16.. =20 Ever stop to think, and forget to start = again?
 17.. =20 Being "over the hill" is much better than being under=20 it!
 18..  Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I = Wanted=20 to Be When I Grew up.
 19..  Procrastinate = !!! =20 Now !!!
 20..  I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; = Do You=20 Want Fries With That?
 21..  A hangover is the = wrath of=20 grapes.
 22..  A journey of a thousand miles = begins=20 with a cash advance
 23..  Stupidity is not a=20 handicap.  Park elsewhere!
 24..  They = call it PMS=20 because MadCow Disease was already = taken.
 25..  He who=20 dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
 26..  A = picture is=20 worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times = the=20 memory.
 27..  Bacon and eggs.  A day's = work for a=20 chicken, a lifetime commitment for a = pig.
 28..  The=20 trouble with life is there's no background=20 music.
 29..  The original point and click = interface=20 was a Smith and Wesson.
 30..  I smile because = I don't=20 know what the hell is going = on.

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=20

Single Dads

<= SPAN=20 style=3D"FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">

 

My apologies = for not=20 writing these past weeks. I came home exhausted, dropped out = of=20 circulation and tried to regroup. Shannon is home, struggling, tired, = but she is=20 home and she is alive. Hers, mine and maybe yours has = changed=20 slightly as a result. I still get messages from people, some = prominent, some not so, who take the time out to ask if I'm = ok or=20 how is Shannon. I cherish = that, I=20 cherish their concern. It tells me there are good people in = this=20 world, kind, compassionate, caring people. Thank you for = being there=20 in our time of need.

           &n= bsp;    =20

Recently it = was brought to=20 my attention that some kind hearted person was posting my = posts from=20 this site to another dad friendly site, Dads on the Air. It = was in=20 their forum entitled 'Tony Miller's Daughter'. If you wish = to read=20 it, type in 'Tony Millers Daughter' in Google search. As it = turned=20 out some people decided it was an opportunity to have a go = at me.=20 The question was asked, what is 'dids' really about? Is it = about=20 dads or is it about Tony Miller? Why does he keep posting = his=20 private life out there for all to see? All this had nothing = to do=20 with Dads on the Air, who by the way run an excellent = service to=20 many dads in need. (New site www.dadsontheair.net ) They=20 were just running their forum as it should be, allowing men = to=20 express their thoughts, their emotions, their needs. Much = the same=20 as we do in 'dids'.

           &n= bsp;     =20

I didn't reply = as I did=20 not want to blow any wind into anyone's sails. But as it = turned out=20 many came to my and 'dids' defence. I am forever humbled by = their=20 defence of what we do. I thought I would reply here, as you = are the=20 ones who keep us going. I am sure it will be posted to those = that=20 need to know or who maybe are interested in hearing the = truth.

           &n= bsp;    =20

I put my life = out in=20 public view not because I relish it, but because if I expect = men to=20 walk into a dids meeting and honestly open up about how they = feel,=20 where their going, what the past has been like, the good, = the bad,=20 the ugly, then I have too. I cannot expect someone to do = that,=20 unless I am prepared to do the same. I don't like airing my = dirty=20 washing here or at the meetings. But if I expect others to = do so and=20 get any benefit from what we do, then I must also do the = same. It's=20 called leading. I may not like it, but I cannot expect to = ask=20 someone else to share their life with me or with my = facilitators to=20 share theirs, unless I also share = mine.

           &n= bsp;    =20

With regards = to my=20 daughter, I make no apologies of my calling for prayers to = spare her=20 life on this site. I am a big believer in the power of = prayer.=20 Whatever your faith, that's up to you, not me. I asked the = readers=20 to pray and the Good Lord heard their prayers that I know. = My=20 daughter is home now with her partner and with her son, as = it should=20 be. I was and still am a dad in distress who needed help and = a=20 multitude of good, caring, compassionate people came to my = aid from=20 all over the world. Many were from the readers and the good = people=20 who run dads on the air. I will be forever=20 grateful.

     =            

As I have = written here in=20 the past, I lost my daughter many years ago: my choice, not = hers. I=20 was not about to loose her again. I am only human, I have = made many,=20 many mistakes in my life and I still do. I can stuff up on a = daily=20 basis, often even hourly. But the message we deliver to dids = is,=20 "that's OK", you're only human, you're here, you're working = on it,=20 that's all that matters. Being a dad is a tough enough call, = being a=20 weekend dad or being estranged from your kids is even = tougher.=20 You're OK, we are here to help, you have MATES now who = understand=20 how you feel. It's that simple.

           &n= bsp;   =20

The Good Lord = didn't walk=20 with the healthy. He walked with the prostitutes, the tax=20 collectors, the unhealthy. I put myself into that class and = I=20 wouldn't mind betting that most of my blokes are in the same = class.=20 We don't push any religion down anyone's throat, we simply = come from=20 the point of love and compassion to our fellow man. We are = not=20 angels and we don't expect to be treated as such. And that's = the=20 key, it doesn't matter where you have come from, be it good = or bad.=20 We simply extend a hand in friendship, mateship. That's the = problem=20 with the fatherhood movement. We don't need the feminists to = pull us=20 apart, we can do it very well ourselves, thank you. In my = experience=20 working with blokes we tend to implode on each other very = well,=20 sadly, whether it be ego or whatever, I don't know. I don't = know,=20 I'm not an expert, but I find it sad. If you wish to pull = that apart=20 then go ahead. Quite frankly, you can go to buggery and I = will pray=20 to the Lord that he makes it comfortable for=20 you.

           &n= bsp;   =20

With regard to = the=20 furniture offer, I appreciate your offer, it was gracious, = but to be=20 honest I know of only a handful who have a $1000 to spare = for a=20 dining setting after a tough divorce and if they did, they = could=20 just about fit their whole house out for that. However, it = was=20 passed onto our groups if anyone was interested. I am sorry = if no=20 one took up the offer. I was busy keeping my daughter alive = when you=20 wrote and left it to one of my lieutenants to answer. I feel = he did=20 that, more then appropriately. You could have phoned me = personally=20 rather then making it a public slanging match but to be = honest, I=20 would have been more blunt: 02 66=20 528113

            &n= bsp;  =20

At our = conference recently=20 one of our beautiful guys in sharing stated he asked his = then wife=20 what she wanted for her birthday. She stated she wanted a = divorce!=20 He said, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much!"=20

 

By the way I = am heading=20 off to England, Iceland, Amsterdam, Germany, Switzerland and = Italy=20 in February, backpacking on the cheap with my beautiful boy, = one on=20 one, getting to know each other and getting = 'dids'=20 groups happening over there. If you wish to have a whinge = about=20 that, go ahead, I couldn't care less. It's OUR time to be = together.=20 It's also an opportunity to help our mates over there. Any = readers=20 from those areas who would like to meet up, Patrick from = Ireland, if=20 you're fair dinkum about kicking a dids group off over there = let me=20 know and I will make it happen my friend. Shame we couldn't = be more=20 focussed on mateship then pulling each other apart because = we don't=20 get what we WANT.

 

Tony Miller=20 dids

www.dadsindistress.asn.au  

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=20

Special Feature

Some=20 Thoughts

from Smart=20 Marriages

www.smartmarriages.com=20

 

The first year = of marriage=20 is like wet cement - the impressions made in it are much = harder to=20 change once it has set.

 

Robert=20 Wolgemuth

 

_________________

 

One last point = about how=20 talking to your man is different from talking to your = girlfriend. By=20 and large, a man wants the bottom line. Cut the amount of = prelude by=20 approximately ninety percent, and you'll get it just about=20 right.

 

Instead of = saying, "Honey,=20 my mom went in and the doctor diagnosed varicose veins.  She's going to = have to get=20 them stripped, which will make it very difficult for her to = walk for=20 a couple of weeks.  = As=20 you know, she lives all alone now, and the only person who = can help=20 her is Mrs Jenkins, who just visits twice a week, on = Thursdays and=20 Fridays.  = Mom's going to=20 need more help than that."

 

Trust me, = you've probably=20 lost him by that point. =20

Instead, try = this: "Honey,=20 my mom is having surgery next week and needs some time to = recover.=20 Do you mind if she stays with us for a few days?"=20

 

If he wants = more=20 information, he'll ask for it.

Keep it short. =

 

Kevin Leman,=20

Making Sense = of the Men in=20 Your Life

 

__________________

 

"Don't discuss = sensitive=20 subjects before dinner. Eat first. My husband is very = irritable when=20 hungry."

 

Renee Flager = happily=20 married for 50 yrs, New=20 York City - Everlasting=20 Matrimony

 

___________________

 

The most = important=20 marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way that = they can't=20 possibly doubt that you love = them.

 

Diane Sollee,=20 smartmarriages.com  

 

__________________

 

A happy = marriage is the=20 world's best bargain.

 

D.A.=20 Battista

 

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=20

Thought of the Week

 

 

I lost my=20 daughter many years ago,

my choice,=20 not hers.

I was not=20 about to lose her again.

     =20

Tony=20 Miller

 

<= /FONT>

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=20

All You Need is Love

COPING WITH=20 CREVASSES

Harry Benson = in the=20 UK

=

Family Trust=20 newsletter

 

'Stable' = relationships?=20 You must be kidding.

 

Marriages work = in cycles.=20

 

The virtuous = cycle looks=20 like this: I'm nice to you; you're nice back to me; I now = want to be=20 nice to you; and so on. Positive feeds on positive. The = positive=20 cycle usually ends through neglect or forgetfulness. The = fire's=20 burning pretty well and we enjoy the heat. But then we = forget to=20 keep feeding the fire with fuel. Imperceptibly, it starts to = burn=20 down.

 

The vicious = cycle looks=20 like this: I'm not nice to you; you're not nice back to me; = I now=20 don't want to be nice to you; and so on. Negative feeds on = negative.=20 The negative cycle usually ends because one person makes a=20 determined effort to get the fire going again. Of course = it's more=20 difficult. But eventually the fire catches light and burns = brightly=20 again.

 

The idea of = normal=20 relationship cycles is really important for anyone who = desires=20 strong marriages and great relationships. The politically = correct=20 like to talk to us about the benefits of a 'stable = relationship'.=20 The concept is nonsense. Relationships must necessarily go=20 virtuously up or viciously down. What they cannot do is = remain=20 stable  i.e. = stand=20 still.

 

I was reminded = of this=20 uncomfortable truth just a few weeks ago. Not for the first = time, my=20 own marriage fell into what I call a 'crevasse'. We have = these=20 ghastly moments from time to time. Things look pretty bleak. = Our=20 friendship has gone astray. Neither of us are feeling = valued. The=20 busyness of life has allowed us to drift apart. We're no = longer=20 connected. And of course I've forgotten to practice what I=20 preach.

 

All of a = sudden, the=20 little irritations, annoyances or arguments seem to take on=20 disproportionate significance. This is the time when leaving = the cap=20 off the toothpaste tube is a deliberate act of war. Chewing = too loud=20 is an offensive habit. As for the increasingly obvious = differences=20 in our personalities, well, maybe we are utterly = incompatible  and have always = been so. Our=20 differences may seem brilliantly complementary in the good = times.=20 But they make us horribly incompatible as we fall into our = crevasse.=20 Our cycle hits rock bottom.

 

And yet, I = made a promise=20 many years ago. This is the time of 'poorer, sickness, = worse'.=20 Despite the enormity of the task, despite the misery of the=20 situation, one of us has to choose to light the fire=20 again.

 

Weeks on, = we've=20 reconnected and are back in the top half of the cycle once = again. We=20 went away to a hotel for a night, away from our various = working=20 roles and our six children. We remembered that we actually = quite=20 like each other. Life is good.

 

I'd like to = think that one=20 day there will be no more crevasses. Alas, the odds are that = our=20 cycle will repeat itself. It starts with a high, as best = friends,=20 showing how much we care for one another. We make time for = one=20 another because we know it's good for us. Making time is = easy when=20 we're getting on well. But then the discipline flags and we = drift.=20 At first we barely notice. Then we forget to make time. We = forget to=20 connect. It's not a deliberate thing. It's an omission.=20 Subconsciously, we now begin to avoid time together because = we know=20 we will have to do things or confront issues that aren't so = easy=20 now  like = apologies,=20 forgiveness, compliments, affirmation, having fun. As the = positives=20 fade, the negatives start to gain ground. Then comes the=20 crevasse.

 

Even if the = cycle is=20 likely to repeat itself for us sooner or later  and we're probably = safe for=20 six to eighteen months or so =20 maybe this is a good time for you to think where you = are on=20 your cycle. Do something about it now. Feed the fire of your = marriage regularly. Regular time and regular reconnection = are the=20 starting points.

 

To subscribe = or read past=20 newsletters: http://www.bcft.co.uk/newsl= etter.htm=20

 

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=20

News & Info

Marriage and Money=20 Matters by Bettina Arndt

Read = more:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20886591-5007146,00.html

 

 

Letters

 

Dear = Fatherhood=20 Foundation

 

Just wanted to = thank you=20 for the great work you are doing, like bringing out Brian = Molitor.=20 His visit to our church still has guys talking.=20

 

Your = newsletter and=20 website has been helpful too. I would love to touch base = with you=20 sometime.

 

Blessings

Rob=20 Koch

 

 

* * * * * * * = * * * * * *=20 * * *

 

Dear = Fatherhood=20 Foundation

 

I just loved = this weeks=20 newsletter, sometimes your newsletter is the only thing that = keeps=20 me positive. Thankyou.

 

Colin

 

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=20

Dad's Prayer

 

 

 

Dear = God

 

Help me not = to stuff up,=20 but when I do

please = forgive=20 me!

Pick me up, = dust me off,=20 pat me on the back

and get me = going=20 again.

 

God help me = do the same=20 for my own children.

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=20

Help Us

Click here for more information about us =

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is = a Harm=20 Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate = fathering has=20 been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation = helps children=20 by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent = fathers are in=20 word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and = committed to the well-being of their children and their = children's=20 mother.

If you would like to give = financially to=20 the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax=20 deductibility:

Fatherhood = Foundation=20 Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details = must be=20 emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac = Branch=20 Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 =

Or mail cheque and address = details=20 to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW =20 2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation = Public=20 Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm=20 Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income = Tax=20 Assessment Act 1997.

You have received the = fathersonline.org=20 newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have = been=20 subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive = future=20 emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an = email=20 to info@fathersonline.org = with the word=20 UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading.

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